What if I had never seen a pickle before? I would think that they were an animal.
Green, clammy, bumpy and soft on the inside.
Slug genocide by the hand of slobbering snuffling humans.
It secretes liquid when scared, and smells acrid as a defense mechanism.
On land it is immobile, however once in mud it propels itself via air propulsion located in small gastric sacks located in the dark green bumps on its body.
These are two petrified Pickles with their feelers still attached.The Pickle's natural predators are worms (who needle through the crunchy exterior to slurp in the jelly innards) and moles who rely on the intestines of the Pickle to insulate their nests.
It finds nourishment in the garbage juice that seeps from garbage cans. Hot days are the best, as the garbage becomes saturated with bacteria and noxious liquids feeding the Pickles for days.
On garbage days, Pickles venture to the graveyard where the bone marrow and hair from corpses provide an alternative to the preferred waste juices.
Pickles are harvested using a small vacuum that glugs the Pickles up from the ground.
Washed in dish soap and clipped of their feelers, the Pickles are left to wallow in their own secretions in a cold space until they are devoured by pig faced monsters. The squelching sound they make when consumed is the quiet screaming of pain as they die without sedative.
Pickles are now an endangered species and need your help to keep them alive. Their infants are harvested and impaled on stakes served at social gatherings of the Pig Faced Monsters. The Elders are cubed and gnashed together as a spread for meats.
Pickles are a docile species and their culture and way of life are at risk of being ruined forever. With the Pig Faced Monsters separating the garbage into sections, the juices Pickles feed on are less potent leaving some colonies dying of starvation and malnourishment.
Please donate to the World Wildlife Fund and save the Pickles from extinction.
You are awesome.
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