Old World Clutter

My entire existence is of two minds. Every teacher, every instructor, friend, professor, everyone at some point or other has commented in some fashion to my 'neither here nor there' tendencies.
My acting professor this term wanted to ring my neck because I was never in my body.
I am a 'hit or miss' actress.
which is fine, seeing as how I'm not going to be an actress professionally any time soon.
I don't know whether my flighty essence is a bad thing or a good thing.

One particular aspect of My Flighty Attitude is...interesting.My binge and purge room.
I tend to hoard knick knacks. candy wrappers, ticket stubs, photo booth pictures, term papers,receipts. I hoard everything.
I carry my life around me in a little dumpy halo of five second memories contained in small tidbits of my life.
In order for me to be comfortable in my space I have to be surrounded by bits of my past life. To 'ground me.'
I carry two notebooks with me where ever I go and I doubt I'll ever throw them out. They're a type of security blanket. If I'm ever stuck waiting for some one (which is a devastatingly frequent occurrence within my theatre company) I can doodle and people watch and write.

However, once every five or six months I start to become claustrophobic. This dumpy halo is heavy around me and I don't have the wing span I used to have. So what do I do? purge the halo of a couple of pounds until its just a mist around me.
I'm feeling the niggling in my stomach for the need to wash away my clutter.
I have moved into my new room, and looking at the shelves upon shelves of crap, I realize that while I needed that crap to ground me in my old room, it won't work in this one. This room has a different frequency to it and therefore needs a new halo.
Before I actually unpack all my things I'm stuck in a limbo of deciding whether I'm ready to rid myself of my security blanket.

I'm like a jelly fish. Jellyfish move in expansions and contractions. Their skirts open wide and then squeeze together propelling them forward in a heartbeat pulse. My skirt expands with all my junk and insecurities and then I squeeze them all away allowing me to propel myself forward for a few months, or a year.

Occasionally I'll come across a little galaxy in my halo of an entire life that I no longer live. I must be ruthless, so I hold a little funeral for the photos, notes and ticket stubs and then throw them away. The feeling of loss is only temporary, and I'll feel lighter in a week or so. Other times I find things that I simply cannot throw away, like my notebooks. They're just too close to rip apart.

Sometimes I purge people. (a common thing to do on facebook, apparently) Every so often there will be this 300lb presence of a person and the only way for me to survive this crushing weight is to purge.

At the end of it, I feel lighter, happier and mobile. I can go anywhere without worrying about leaving something behind.
Perhaps that's the reason why I'm like this. Too much weight and you're grounded forever in the same place. If you're lighter, you can fly farther. (hence the term, flighty?) Explore people, books, scents, noses, mud, breathe... without worrying about leaving a trail.

Wish me luck on my quest to clean the clutter.